The problem with morality is the ethics involved. You hold yourself to a certain standard, or at least boast that you do - and if you have any sense of morality, you need to live up to that standard. I've done my fair of shady dealings in the past, and I've decieved more than a handful of people.
Coming clean about all of this has been an extremely cathartic experience. I'm so glad to have shed the baggage of deceit. Once again in my life I am experiencing what it is to be free. I used to hide myself behind my pride, but now I realize that my relationships with others are far too important for me to jeopardize because of my self love. A quote I recently heard, which is quickly becoming my favorite is from St. Augustine. He was recorded as saying, "There can only be two basic loves, the love of God unto the forgetfulness of self, or the love of self unto the forgetfulness of God." I can't believe that I actually putmyself before God for so long. Now that I have better perspective on the issue, I can't go back. I can see myselfishness for what it is, and am happy to be free from it on the aforementioned level.
God is too important. I haven't told everyone my "big secret" that I was sitting on for the better of five years, but if you're interested, call me up. I'd be more than happy to apologize to you, humble myself at your feet and ask your forgiveness.
But the bottom line today? I am not that man anymore. I am a man who has recognized his mistakes, and is more focused on seeking God than I have been in years. Praise the Lord for his tender mercies and forgiveness!
