I've got a lot to confess.

I'm reading through Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz for the first time right now. I just finished the chapter on confession, in which Miller tells the story of how he and some of his Christian friends built a confession booth on the Reed campus, and how they confessed the wrong-doings of people throughout history done in the name of Jesus.

I'm not here to do that. Those things have been said before, and although I resonate with the need to apologize for all the wrongs done in His name, this is not the place for that. Rather, I want to figure out what it is I am doing, so that people years from now won't have to apologize for my actions.

I'm going to seminary. Not actively, mind you. I'm in a bit of a transitional period right now. Nonetheless, I have that title to my name. People look at you differently when they know you're a Christian. I met with my Regional Manager, Tracy York, earlier today while I was at work. She remembered a lot about me, first of which was that I was going to school to work in the ministry. She's not a Christian, and I'm not sure what her views are about the faith on the whole. For all I know, I may be one of the few interactions she knowingly has with a Christian. I hope that I'm doing a good job...

But what am I really doing? There's a lot of things that I'm NOT doing so that I can avoid falling into the whole "hypocrite" category. But we're all hypocrites at one level or another. I tell people I'm a Christian, but I don't fill my life with Jesus all the time. I don't live my entire life for Him. I only live as much of it that is convenient for me. Last I checked, dying on a cross for my sins wasn't a very convenient thing for Jesus to do - and He's not asking anything of that caliber from me. He's asking me to stop being a moron, stop claiming His name without living it.

Here's my confession. I'm a convenient Christian. I do not mean to belittle my actions or my faith, but I'm weak. I can do so much more with the time and the life that Christ has given to me, and I'm actively letting Him down by wanting to waste time on Facebook, watch movies I've seen a dozen times before, take needless naps, apply for jobs that don't truly interest me. If I was really on fire for God the way Jesus was committed to saving me from my sins, I'd be out there applying to churches, finding a place in the ministry down in So Cal where I could live out my faith on a regular basis and make an impact on God's children; not just the ones who don't know Him yet, but on those who have an idea about Jesus, but are stuck in the same place I'm at right now.

Looking back on this past weekend (on a completely unrelated note, I LOVED dueling Patrick), I was amazed by the passion that was felt at Reality church in Hollywood. I did lunch with a guy named Zakk, another man named Duncan, and a few others. Zakk had met Duncan earlier in the week and invited him to church. Who have I invited to church recently? Then at lunch, they sat and talked about spirituality and the faith. Sure, the conversation didn't go down exactly as Zakk had planned, but his intentions were just. He had a deep-rooted passion for spreading the word. I sat back in amusement because of Zakk's overwhelming and agressive tactics. But who am I to judge? I'm not doing any better.

So let's start a new trend, right here and now in my life. I don't know how its going to manifest itself, so I'll keep praying for that part of it; but I need to share my faith. I need to let others know about the love and sacrifice that Jesus made for me, and how He does satisfy all of my needs, wants, and desires. I'm nothing without Him, but because He's part of my life, I have everything.

Can I ask a favor of you? Pray for me - that I can meet God half way in providing me with the courage to spread His love, His word, and His message to the world around me.